Married Life

Married Life, So Far

woman and man having coffee at an outdoor cafe

It’s been over a year since I got married, and sometimes I still can’t believe it. From time to time, I still catch myself saying something like, “Oh my god! I really am a married woman!” This is despite the fact that I am now more comfortable addressing my husband as such and identifying myself as his wife.

I suspect this is because there have not been a lot of changes in my life, therefore confirming this theory I had before getting married to my then-boyfriend: Tying the knot would just be a formality.

First of all, we still live in the same apartment and have the same setup. Even our routines have remained practically the same. Also, as I mentioned in a previous blog post, I still see to it that I get a me-time regularly. Of course, my husband does the same thing.

And while we enjoy hanging out with each other’s friends, we don’t always meet up with them as a package deal. After all, there are certain things I would rather talk to my friends about without him around, just like secrets of friends and tea about people that don’t concern him at all. You know, sensitive information.

At the same time, I don’t always expect to get invited to his bonding sessions with friends. I know I am cool and all, but I am also very self-aware that I know they enjoy certain activities that I am not very fond of like playing computer games.

One more thing: I am happy to share that I can still freely pursue whatever I wish to. That is mainly because my husband does not make me do all the household chores. Moreover, my mental load is nothing more than I can handle. Because of this, I have not only the time and energy but also the mental space for everything I want to do.

Now I finally understand why some people believe a woman’s choice of partner or spouse has a huge impact on her career. One can have a hard time working on their career goals if they are always tied to housework or are expected to keep track of everything at home.

I think it is also worth sharing that I really love who I am when I’m with my husband, and I believe it is a good indicator that I am in the right marriage. It reminds me of what I told the officiator when he asked why I was sure I’d like to marry the groom: “He brings out the best in me.”

It’s true. I am my best self when I am with him, not only because he inspires me to be a better person, but also because he loves and takes care of me in a way that no one else could ever do. With him beside me, I feel like I can do anything.

I am also proud to share that we don’t run out of things to talk about, and I think it plays a huge part in our marriage. When I look back to the past year, I am reminded of the many interesting conversations we’ve had, whose topics range from things that have to do with our jobs and individual passions to everything happening around the world, including the most serious and mundane ones.

But of course, there have also been some challenges. In the past year, I have gotten sick and injured. I even had to go to the ER one time. My husband also had to undergo a major dental procedure a few months after our wedding. There’s only the two of us at home and on top of our jobs, we have two cats who depend on us, so these situations drove us nuts and disrupted our routines. Yet we handled things well. My husband, in particular, did a great job dealing with me regardless of how dramatic I could be when sick or injured.

We have also had a lot of difficult conversations about the things we believe we need to pay attention to, including our physical health. We have also been trying to be better at handling our finances because we really wish to make the most of whatever we have so we can have an even brighter future together. Plus, our cats are spoiled AF. Priorities, right?

So I guess we are good. And I am fine and very happy. A great first year as a misis, indeed!

Although to be honest, I still have doubts sometimes that I catch myself asking if I deserve all this or until when things will be okay. But maybe it’s just me trying to self-sabotage. Perhaps it does take time before one could truly heal from a not-so-good childhood followed by a series of heartbreaks and trauma.

In fact, right now, there’s a part of me that feels scared to publish this post thinking that I should probably stop sharing about how great things have been for me and for us in order to avoid jinxing it. However, I also know that from time to time, I should also allow myself to celebrate wins—just like having a great marriage.

I know one year is very short, and I am sure things won’t always be rainbows and butterflies. But still, I am choosing to be optimistic. Besides, considering how the past year has been, I can say that my husband and I really make a great team.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *