Married Life

Why ‘Me Time’ Is Important Even When You’re Married

me time
Photo: Jordan Christian/Unsplash

I took myself on a date yesterday. I visited a bookstore, bought a book I’d been looking forward to reading, and had a huge meal at one of my favorite restaurants. I sat at my favorite table and had the usual stuff: salmon soup, pork belly with yakiniku sauce, chicken skin, grilled corn, rice, and brewed coffee.

I had my coffee served after I was done eating. This way, I could take things slow and even read a few pages of the new book. When I finished my coffee, I asked for a refill and stayed a bit longer at the restaurant so I could read some more.

By the time I downed my second cup of coffee, it was close to sunset, which meant it was the perfect time to walk home. Oh, what a great way to end a lovely date with myself. Yes, I would definitely do it again.

My husband and I had been so used to living our own lives before we moved in together. We both could take care of ourselves without much help from other people, even our families. Moreover, each of us had our own career and personal goals, as well as a set of routines and hobbies and interests. In other words, we were both very independent people who were so sure of themselves.

As a married couple living under the same roof for almost three years now, of course, we’ve already gotten comfortable doing things together. We like working as a team, and we’re really good teammates. It doesn’t mean, however, that we’ve already forgotten what kind of people we were before we got together and who we are as individuals outside of our marriage. And so, we continue to have our own passions and make sure we are still comfortable being alone at times.

In fact, one of the things we like to do is be alone together. We just chill at home while being busy with our own stuff or we sit at a single table in a cafe but do not talk because we both are engrossed with whatever we are doing on our own. Most of the time, I just read quietly while he plays whatever game he’s currently hooked on.

We also encourage each other to go out with our own sets of friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love his friends and he loves mine, and we’ve got no problem hanging out with them together. But it doesn’t mean we should always come as a package deal.

Moreover, we understand how important it is to be alone with one’s thoughts and just spend time without having to think about another person. It’s also a great opportunity to reevaluate one’s life without being influenced by another individual’s opinions. I myself like to sit and think of the things I want to do, ranging from the stuff I want to write to my next career moves. I also like reflecting on many things about my own life, sometimes even being so vulnerable and crying either out of nostalgia or too much joy. And I love that I can do it without being bothered by anyone.

Most importantly, having a me-time is also a good way of rewarding oneself after working so hard. My me-time yesterday was to celebrate my recent salary raise. I just thought I deserved it. And though my husband is always so happy about my achievements that he’s more than excited to celebrate these victories with me, it doesn’t change the fact that I still like to honor my own hard work by taking myself on a date and buying something that can bring me joy. To be honest, this kind of thinking is one of the reasons why I don’t worry about losing myself in the relationship I am in.

After all, I believe that people should be in a relationship not because they can’t be on their own but because they know that though they can still get fulfillment and be happy without their significant other, life is still much better when spent with that person.

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